I love this article and I love Alfie Cohen's book Unconditional Parenting From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. There are a few books that change your life, this was one for me along with Raising your Children, Raising Yourself by Naomi Aldort.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thing
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